Yesturday was probably the hardest day that ive had here so far. The work is not hard but yet it is hard still the same. It is hard from the inside as i try to cope with what i have commited to do. As a whole, things culminated durring the day to leave me in dispear. In the morning I had to take a child (Rakesh) to the nurses office and hold him down with another volunteer as the doctor stuck a huge needle into his knee joint trying to take our puss and blood from a kneww that was the size of a soccer ball. They have NO anistesia's tooo offer and thus as the boy cries i try to calm him, tell him it will be ok.. tell him he is brave.. tell him anything to take away the pain... i wanted to take the needle out... i wanted to stop the pain. All this pain because he has trouble walking though he is 12 and thus walks on his knees causing great trama. All this could be avoided with knee braces, but the house cannot afford it. I'm going to try and pool some money together from volunteers and see what we can do. Once bandaged and cleaned of tears i brought him back and made sure he was ok...
In the afternoon i went to Kaligat for the first time. Now, I am very sensitive to energy in its extremes. From the moment i walked in a wave of pain and negativity hit me. At least witht he children they have the spark of life, no matter how bad their ailment or deformity... but the majority of themse men are filled with desease and/or waiting for death. You can sense that the know the time is near. Some are missing limbs, some are rotting, some are only bones will very little flesh. Some cannot speak, some cannot move, some are so dead inside that that are but corpses with hearts that havn't havn't realized it yet. Now there are also some who are happy, some whos situation has not gottne the best of them.. some whose stregth of will has kept them alove and even full of hope... but the dispair of the many smothers the joy of the few within me as I watch grown men shit themselves and then cry because they have not moved by their own will in a very long time... as i watch some rot away...
later, on the way home, my heart was crushed further. Unfortunatly the women have already have had bad expreinces with some of the men here that has left some of them negative about the men of this country... Understandablly they are angry.. but a comment slipped that sent a pike into myheart as I have tried come to love these people... ive had too.. you cannot pour your sweat for a people with a blind eye...
ok i'm being veyge...
anyway.. there were other things too... but needless to say i needed a beer at the end of the day.. and then by 10 i wasn in my hotel and fast asleep...
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