one of those days...

Don't mind the winy ranting nature of this post... i'm having one of those days...

We left kulkuta on monday. My volunteering is finished, atleast for this trip. Because I did this trip with a organized group and not on my own i am forced to keep to the groups sceduale. Thus we headed to Darjeeling for some r and r time to debrief from our expereinces in Kolkuta. Saying good by to the people ive met, the friends i've made, and the children of whom i spent time with while i volunteered was hard. I think the hardest was saying good by to Daya Dan... I will misss the happieness i encountered there.. i will miss the children i have grown to love.

The plan was to take a 10 1/2 hour train ride to the end of the line and then take a jeep 4 hours up a mountain to the hill station of Darjeeling. (the whole trip cost 15 bucks each i think) The funny thing is, we didn't make it to Darjeeling. We arrived at the end of the line to find a massive transit strick in effect and we were stranded. We managed to bribe a few rickshaw drivers to betray the strike, and as we snuck though allyways and dark corners trying to go around the taxi blockade I felt like we were in a movie... Some of the team seemed annoyed, some were scared, and some were out right freaking out. I on the other hand was haveing a blast.When we finally made it to our hotel I had the largest smaile on my face. The rest of the day was spent resting.

The jeep ride up the mountain was amazing too.. we traveled thourgh what seemed like 3 different environmental systems, roads that at times were barilly wide enough for 1 jeep let alone the traffic that came from all directions, and of course, monsoon rains.

Now i'm staying in a hotel that was made for debriefing and i havn't done anything but talk and eat for the last 2 days. I'm going a little nuts actually. Yes i know i'm a talker.. but talk without action only goes so far. The hotel we are styaing in is TOO nice... I am resting TOO much... and i'm feeling a little stir crazy... but then again ive never been one to be able to stand still for very long.. and maybe that iswhy i adapted to life in india alot better then some of the others...

i mean i know it is neccesary for some of the team members.. some of my group have had a REALLY hard time dealling with India.. the dirt, the hardships, the poverty, the scams, etc have been so great on some people that a little "western comfort" is needed for their sanity right now.. but me... i feel ashamed to be spending money i raised for this trip on nice accomidations when i could be fine in a hostel... I love Darjeeeling because it is SO peaceful.. but i know that if it hadn't been for promises made before I came... i would have styed in Kolkutta.. and then just traveled on a SMALL budget .. like i will be starting to do in a few days when I leave this place.

There is so much more fustration of which i'm feeling right now... but there is no clarity... and this post is a pretty unclear as it is...

The funny thing is... even though i would rather be volunteering rightnow it is still a selfish want.. it is still self interest... for I know i would feel more comfortable volunteering at dayadan then sitting here debriefing... so even in my need to help all is vanity at this point....

ok.. so like i said.. i'm just having one of those days...