...

I am not what I would like to be, and yet, I am always what I am not and there is nothing outside of that not.

For the moment I become what I am, I seize to exist as anything but a memory. The moment I stop simultaneously creating and destroying myself marks the axe on my grave. But if this is so, then why have I created a self which I despise despite the illusionary existence that that consists of? Why do I legitimize a name that repulses me be continuing in footsteps that lay me out as the fool? But I am a fool.. Or at least I play one on tv. Even the fool cannot be judged so with any coherence except after death, and even then all is lost since all things past are but subjective interpretation.

lol... ok

So my bike is broken, i hurt my arm, my electric razor died, i ruined my favourite work shirt eating somthing spicy and greasy that i can't promounce, and i'm running out of food... what did i do to u mr karma man?



only 8 days till i get my first paycheck. (ok so last month i got a 1 week paycheck.. that doen't count... i still only have 5 bucks and whatever is in my fridge to last me a week.)

hmm.. maybe i can find out where i can sell my body to science when i die...

new country, new job, new year...

Thinking back on the last year I have a lot of memories to cherish and a lot to regret. I was a good friend to some while to others I screwed up royally. I was shown great kindness and was kind to some... but to others I took advantage out of shear incompetence. I traveled the length of Canada almost twice on the kindness of strangers and yet abused the trust of those who helped me out in my home town in the months before I left for japan. I messed up when it came to some relationships..and yet I something good came to be right in time for me to leave. All in all I think 2006 gets an A in adventure, a B+ in romance, a B in finances...and a D+ in my display of virtue...
That being said, without goals for the future everything is a stand still, a blind jump, or a spiraling. With that in mind lets see if I can make and direct myself towards some new years resolutions.
2007:
1. Get rid of beer gut (go to gym more regularly)
2. Drink less (to help with #1)
3. Join one of the following: karate/kick boxing/yoga/palates
4. Learn Japanese enough to take basic level proficiency test for next year
5. Explore Japan
6. Prepare for Grad school applications
7. Write more often.
8. Submit an essay to a journal.
9. Pay off all credit cards (4500.00 Canadian)
10.Seek virtue and consistency between belief and action.

Here is a pic from the Black and White Gala i went to my last couple of days in Toronto.

Nomisugimashita

I haven’t been updating regularly but I’m hoping to change that. I’ve been on vacation and though I should have been doing a lot.. I haven’t. Well, I wrote some post cards, figured out how to send money home, learned how to use my rice cooker, and finally made some Japanese flash cards with the intent on studying... but all in all I’ve either been reading at Starbucks or drinking with friends. If the latter then the usual has been either over poker, at one of our usual pubs, or at the club we frequent. I have a feeling that if I added up all the money spent on partying this break and just stayed sober I could have definitely done at least a little traveling. But drinking is a huge part of the social and work life in this country and in the end maybe its important to make the effort to make friends first and then see stuff later. I mean I have only been here a month and I’m still getting to know the city...I don’t get lost.. but finding things can be an issue with so many side streets and things packed up in levels.
I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to friends. Everyone I work with is awesome and I’ve made friends with a lot of teachers from other schools too. In the spring when the days are longer and nights a little warmer I’m going to see if I can get some friendly competitional stuff going between the schools. Might be cool to see where that goes. I’ve also made a few Japanese friends.. But in all honesty, the language barrier is still stunting me there. Confidence is hard to have when you can only make out a few words here and there. It’s a cool feeling though when people show speak a little of each others languages are truly able to communicate.

A few rememberable moments from the past 2 weeks:
-Being in front of a dirty dancing conga line. (As weird as it sounds)
-Learning that the difference between making Indian curry and Japanese curry is about 3 days apartment curry smell...lol
-spending 20 min in a class with an entire class laughing as they try to pronounce "seriously"
-Kareoke Kareoke Kareoke