its better to follow ones heart and fail and then turn to a second option in defeat then to coward onself into practicality... so grad school it is. But, practicality must prvail at some point, atleast so much as to not poison the future too much.. so i have to pay off some of this debt first.. atleast the stuff thats not osap. So i need to pay off 15k asap. Don't think i can do that in 10 months, so although my every hearts desire is to go back to school fall 08... i'm going to have to put it off till 09. But, no matter whats going on at that point.. i have to go back. I refuse to be a "i wish i had" type of guy....

the only thing that bothers me.. am i poisoning my future by starting later.. or would i be poisoning my future by going back with so much debt still lingering...

ok so there are other things bothering me... but i was never good at making actual life decisions.. ive always been more of an overthinker who acts at the last moment when action is all that is left....

in other news, I find myself knowing myself more these days. I am of amn of good intentions but weak will. I am the nice guy who ends up being the villian because he is not honest or atleast knows not himself. This being said, it comes to reason that though i'm glad i'm not them i really respect my little brother and sister... one married the other engaged and both on life journeys with much of the play already set up...or atleast direction. I can't even say who i am or what i want... and....
ok so i'm wining alot today...
shop that, ive ben over complaining alot as of late... maybe soon i'll be able to get my head on straight...