Ok... can you say confused. As it stands I’m 25 and still have no idea what I want to do with my life. Sure I have ideas... but as to if I really want to pursue those ideas or not... I really don’t know.
First, I need to decide soon for pragmatic reasons relating to things like contracts if I’m going to go back to school fall 2008 or if I’m going to stick around here. Second, if I decide to go back to school what am I going to go for? Law school is an option... but do I really want to be a lawyer? Could I really see myself being the that serious? And then again there’s the PHD thing... but I’m not sure I have the grads for it... and even if I do there is no guarantee that when I finally get the thing if I’ll even be able to find a job. And then again I’ve thought about taking the easy way out and just go to teachers college so that I can have summers off... but can I really see myself teaching people who for the most part don’t want to be there? And then again maybe there are other options.. But I have no clue what they are. I’ve always felt like I was supposed to do something different... but I’ve spent too much time thinking and now I’m 3 years behind being that if I had don’t things write I would have graduated university 2 years earlier then I did. But then what is right? Where does it say that I need to make other people happy or to have an actual direction? Where do I really have to fit? But then again... I want to matter just a little... or even be good at something. It seems that in everything that one becomes an expert at the age of conception is back more years then I can turn and I’m left with being mediocre... or I’m not and yet because all I can do is think and not act I will eventually come to the day where this lie has become true.
Its funny, I’m off on this adventure... in fact to some it seems that I’m always off on an adventure... and yet I’m still asking the same dumb questions everyone else does... the only problem is I’ll be 30 and still not have the answers.... I’ll still be wandering... trying to find myself. I mean, at least I’ve always got a story to tell and friends who care about me... but will I end up like so many others in my class (social not educational) nearing 60, still working jobs I don’t like for money that doesn’t stretch far enough... defeated by time.
Even in the basics of life I am a wreck. I used to be a man of such high principles. Even if sometimes I was misguided.. At least I stood for and lived for something... now I am in shambles. I am aware of what I agree with... but no longer live like I believe my own thoughts. And what are my thoughts anyway... everything spins into nausea.

Don’t mind me.. My mind has had better days.